Amanda Koster

thoughts and experiences of an international documentarian

on meeting [seeing myself in] a man

with 5 comments

last night i met a man. met a man, what do you mean?

a man.

i mean, not a boy, not an adolescent, not a pre/during/just post-mid-life-crisis of the male gender.

i mean a man.

what is a man to me? what did i see?

i sat with a male who to me was comfortable in his skin. at ease. he was not posturing, not projecting, not apologizing, not ‘perfect.’  he was himself. how do i know? i don’t know, thank god. instead… i felt it.

he was on time. he gave me a magazine (gift) that was relevant (backpacker magazine, ie: he gave it some thought, wasn’t afraid to give it to me). he didn’t ask me about photography, ‘if i want to know about f-stops i’ll google it,’ …’if i want to know where you have traveled, i’ll look at your website’…he knew that was my work and said ‘don’t want to know about your work, i want to know about you.’ by the way, with eye contact.

his vest kept beeping, i sent it and him a sideways glance. ‘it’s my phone, telling me i have emails. i am reaching for it right now to turn it off.’ and he did. he brought up an entry in my blog, asked deep pointed questions, really wanted answers, didn’t question dodge, didn’t diss his last girlfriend, he always let me go first… and i let him. walked me to my car, happily… gave a gentlemanly hug… and i let him.

why i am BLOGGING about this? i mean, it’s pretty personal and he might actually read this. it’s ok- it’s not for him, its for me and others.  it’s about a certain time in life when one is able to recognize and feel these things. why is what i experienced last night so rare? why up until last night do i see now what it feels like to be in the presence of a man? well i get it. men, are so wonderful. males are great and also wonderful, an absolute miracle like all of nature but a man… a man is a true work of art, a work of time, mistakes, suffering, pain, joy, tears, forgiveness, humility, presence, fortitude, strength… wisdom. (can you see the mountain?) i am starting to believe people are like wine, trees, wrinkles. it just takes time, it takes patience, experience, snowstorms, altitude, blisters, stitches, dark chocolate (oh, that’s me) more time and most of all grace.

last night i felt grace surround me. it felt like the sweetest dance, a gentle, colorful, sparkling dance of wisdom and grace quietly wrapping around me with warm, cool, texture, breeze, muscle, intelligence, and finesse.

life takes time. why do we stress aging? it gets better and better and better and better and it makes me shiver down to my core, sparkle, giggle, get weak at my knees and smile for days, tingling… thinking about the the next grateful encounter.

know what else just happened? i got to see where i am right now, in this person. life is a mirror. i’m the one giving myself shivers.

Written by amandakoster

February 14, 2009 at 6:50 am

Posted in Uncategorized

5 Responses

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  1. Amen, my sister.


    February 14, 2009 at 5:20 pm

  2. oh yeah.


    February 15, 2009 at 4:59 am

  3. And why not be tingly AND fearless. Life is fun.


    February 18, 2009 at 12:08 am

  4. It was nice to see your blog.Just Keep Writing!

    Don’t pay for your electricity any longer…
    Instead, the power company will pay YOU!


    March 2, 2009 at 2:54 pm

  5. Your post reminds me of a quote I came across recently. I realize you don’t know me and I don’t know you, but I am excited you met a real man.

    “Jesus would have been one of the best photographers that ever existed. He was always looking at the beauty of people souls. In fact Jesus was constantly making pictures of God in people’s life by looking at their souls and exposing them to his light.” – Francis Bacon

    P.S. Unless you know Amber on the comment above, I’m pretty sure that’s SPAM.

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