Archive for the ‘thoughts’ Category
‘are you nervous’ becky asked me. ‘you can’t be, you do this shit all the time’ nick laughed and poked more spaghetti into a gumdrop. i was quiet. this felt different.
what went thru my mind last night on stage:
“crap! my slides are screwed up! and crap! i just spent way too many seconds thinking about how my slides are screwed up! crap, while i was thinking about how my slides were screwed up, they keep advancing anyway… wtf… i better quit this thinking crap….!”
man, everyone ought to try it. what i love about ignite is pure passion. and i love pure passion. there is a rawness to the event. the venue was cold, sticky, dusty and i was nervous. yes, pretty darn nervous. i could hear it in my breathing.
why was i nervous? i speak all the time? huh?
few things: 5 minutes is a flash in the pan + eternity, i could not see the audience… seriously: the audience was pitch black and it felt like no one was out there, like speaking to a black hole… (is anyone friggen’ out there?) the slides auto-advanced every (kind of) 15 seconds, my slides were screwed up (uh- they worked on my computer/s), i was in my home territory. i know the audience (even tho couldn’t see them). i have a crush on a few of the guys in the audience (they have no idea), i am used to talking to hundreds of strangers most of who i will never see again. this crowd knows me, i play with them, and they are ready and willing to give feedback (thank you kathy gill and brian dorsey… i truly loved that!)
and why was that awesome? because being nervous, feeling harmless fear is wonderful thing. it means i was challenged verses being on auto pilot. i felt like i was ‘just starting out’ again last night at ignite. i was out of my comfort zone on home base (seattle). oddly cool. delicious.
what an experience. to sit amongst the other speakers, feed off their nerves, passionate energy. the talks ranged from: ’huh?’, ‘yer kidding’, ‘i don’t get it’ to ‘i really have no idea’, to ‘wow’, to ‘that’s hilarious’ to, ‘are you serious’ to…. wtf.
i loved them all. all the speakers, the energy, brady so diligently summoning us right before we spoke, the ignite team managing what someone called a ‘mac orgy.’ all of it. i simply love ignite. in some odd way it was a love-fest. i knew the people, many of them have seen + helped salaamgarage (and me) grow from where it was to where it is now, it’s a community that immediately embraced an outsider like me: a photojournalist and writer without an iphone (gnomedex) who gives a shit.
who are these people, where did they come from? how is it there is a community of people who are willing to listen to god knows what on a tuesday night, cheer you on, and forgive your screwed up slides? imagine.
ahhh. for me ignite is like a platform and a lasso for reckless creativity and passion. a little welcome love mat with subliminal messages that say ‘i love you, say what you gotta say, deal with the screwed up slides and make room for the next guy. and i still love you.’ and man, was i nervous up there and man, would i do it again in a heartbeat. it would be an honor.
thank you ignite. thank you for doing what you do and for opening your arms wide to anyone who says ‘this is what a geek looks like, give me 5 min. let me do my thing.’
we are only worth what we ask for.
is it true? sounds pretty intense, though it is starting to make sense to me. there is a deep message to it: we only ask for what we believe we are capable of receiving, worth, worthy… i watch people put together projects and realize so much is there for us if we can only ASK for it! it’s ALL there. we have the idea, the plan, the team, etc. and yet…. i watch people ask for 1/2, 1/3, nothing! put the entire plan together, and not apply for the grant, and not ask for the full amount! people tend to retreat when it comes time to ASK!
same goes for asking for help. i watch people do EVERYTHING themselves. everything. especially the things they are not good at. in fact, i watch people get wrapped up in the part they DON’T liek vs. the part the LOVE. WHY? who started this thing ‘don’t ask for help.. it’s better to do it yourself. more noble, incredible, amazing, etc..’ . i call and end to it. i understand self-sufficiency. i believe in it whole hardheartedly though there is a distinction between self-sufficiency / interdependence (both philosophies of emmerson and gandhi, my teachers) and ‘lone world syndrom.’ though there is nothing out here that only one person created. creation involves and thrives on collaboration.
I cannot spread my wings and fly to south afica to work on ‘my’ upcoming project about ms. bandi biko, steven bikos sisters. not possible. and i’m glad about it. thanks to this, i get to meet, work,collaborate and grow with so many amazing people! i would NEVER be where i a without them!
ASK! ASK! ASK!
anyway. morning thoughts.