“its a miracle that curiosity survives formal education” albert einstein

this just gets me going + makes me feel so much better when nay-sayers tell me i ask to many questions.

i think we can all agree albert einstein was onto something.

 

Before i rev up …

I often stop to see.

This is street light shining through glass covered in raindrops on the car seat.

How beautiful.

i woke up and realized….

we are only worth what we ask for.

is it true? sounds pretty intense, though it is starting to make sense to me. there is a deep message to it: we only ask for what we believe we are capable of receiving, worth, worthy… i watch people put together projects and realize so much is there for us if we can only ASK for it! it’s ALL there. we have the idea, the plan, the team, etc. and yet…. i watch people ask for 1/2, 1/3, nothing! put the entire plan together, and not apply for the grant, and not ask for the full amount! people tend to retreat when it comes time to ASK!

WHY?

same goes for asking for help. i watch people do EVERYTHING themselves. everything. especially the things they are not good at. in fact, i watch people get wrapped up in the part they DON’T liek vs. the part the LOVE. WHY? who started this thing ‘don’t ask for help.. it’s better to do it yourself. more noble, incredible, amazing, etc..’ . i call and end to it. i understand self-sufficiency. i believe in it whole hardheartedly though there is a distinction between self-sufficiency / interdependence (both philosophies of emmerson and gandhi, my teachers) and ‘lone world syndrom.’ though there is nothing out here that only one person created. creation involves and thrives on collaboration.

I cannot spread my wings and fly to south afica to work on ‘my’ upcoming project about ms. bandi biko, steven bikos sisters. not possible. and i’m glad about it. thanks to this, i get to meet, work,collaborate and grow with so many amazing people! i would NEVER be where i a without them!

ASK! ASK! ASK!

anyway. morning thoughts.

my tango lesson on love, really

on my way out of the yoga today i peeked into a neighboring dance studio and quietly watched.  there was a tango lesson going on. well, i thought it was tango by the shoes anyway.

one spanish speaking man was speaking… spanish, and a women was translating to english, teaching what i thought was tango. we’ll call it tango.

the teachers were in an embrace, teaching ‘how to embrace.’ they clearly knew what they were doing while the students were clearly uncomfortable though eager to learn. i was equally eager to see some sultry, spicy tango on a friday night!

… however, the reason i am not totally sure it was a tango class is because they never ‘danced.’ instead, in that moment they were being taught how to embrace one and other.

and how to breathe together.

i had no idea how important this was in tango, but i got it. the man was going on in spanish and she translated.

‘you have to breathe together. you have to get very close like this, very still and learn each others breath, learn each others body. listen for it, feel it and learn it. learn how they breath, start to understand it and begin to breathe with them.’

1. learn to breathe together.

so literally there were 4  couples, in an embrace, breathing together. their eyes were closed, arms around each other and they were so still. some slow tango (i guessed) music was playing and they just… were breathing. amazing to see right after a yoga pranayama class (practicing breathing exercises for 1 hour). i sat back and breathed with them. this was beautiful to watch and needless to say i became intrigued by these teachers.

the next lesson was about axis. the students were then to move together. once they became familiar with each others breathing it was time to move. so they began to move. the teachers brought up the next point:

2. ’stay on your own axis. don’t fall or merge into your partners. stay on your own axis and move together.’ amazing. interdependence.

next. the male teacher was watching and correcting a few students. he turned down the music, interrupted and was then translated.

3. ‘when you make a mistake let it go. forget about that move and move into another one. don’t think about it anymore.’

and finally, as if i hadn’t realized tango was truly my life lesson on love (and other things) for the day, lesson four comes along.

some students were making more mistakes, mostly men due to the nature of the dance (leader/follower).  this time the woman teacher stepped in.

4. ‘move from your whole body. some of you men are leading and moving from just your shoulders, your upper body. you have to breathe, move and lead with your entire body so that your partner can trust you, understand you, respect your lead.’

pow.

Blog photos have to be easy AND cool looking

Ugh. Took a lame iPhone photo of amanda little at a book reading from my iPhone, uploaded the blog entry to wordpress. Photo sucked.

 

This has to be easy or I won’t do it. was thrilled the other day when i uploaded an entry to my wordpress blog via my iphone. But…. it can not look so crappy.

So I just bought the app camera bag. This is a little better. I can get used to this. But don’t get used to Capitol letters cuz the iPhone will do that, not the laptop.

Better.

‘power trip’ by amanda little

‘power trip’ by amanda little. At book reading: Elliot (best-book-store-in-the-world) Bay Bookstore in Seattle. ‘power trip.’ very thorough journey around the country learning about Americas various interests in power. Great storyteller. She went in finger pointing and came out listening.

Awesome.

(iphone foto)

Way cool.

Blogging from my iPhone. Darn cool.

please watch this!

i could watch this every day and still cry. amazing.

teedering on: evolve or fall

photography.

those of you that know me know i truly do love it. love photography with all my might.

it saved me, gave me an outlet to finally express myself. quiet, young angry women for reasons that no longer serve or phase me. photography gave me a focus, a place to channel my passion for life, storytelling , justice, beauty. for this is i am grateful to have discovered it and grateful to my teachers who nurtured this unbridled passion.

however its changing and its on the brink of death or major evolution. i mean, look how long photography has been around and now film is nearly extinct…

yesterday i spoke at the SPE (Society for Photographic Education) Northwest Conference. I arrived, listened to a few lectures and though amazed at the work and passion each presenter had to share, i felt somber. why? i think because it had been awhile since i was in the strictly photo world. i have been happily deep in the tech/social media world for the last year or so thanks to salamgarage.

true, this was a totally academic crowd.  if you read my blog, a few entries ago i talked about how the ‘classroom’ feels like a cage to me. a prison. a straitjacket. all i wanted from a classroom was out of it, unless a compelling, dynamic conversation was going on..  or… when i was printing my negatives spaced out in my own world.

yesterday i went back down memory lane, talking about ‘a sense of place’ or ‘landscapes’… heady talk describing what ones sees, laced with opinion after critique after what to me feels like nonsense. actually, there wasn’t really a discussion going on. it was more like people raising their hand, telling the audience what they think and what books they’ve read that support what they think. ‘mental masturbation’ is what a professor friend calls it. i am not cut out for academia, obviously…  unless i get to challenge it, which i did a bit yesterday.

this will probably irritate a lot of people, so again, footnote: i was never that kind of photographer. those of you that have met me would expect that from me. i like disruptive conversation and innovation. i do not like people looking at creation and deconstructing it for the purpose of throwing it into a category supported by a critics point of view. why? isn’t it great the way it is, isn’t it great that someone took the time to make something and finished!!!… ?  and.. can’t we just shoot this with an iphone, apply a filter, call it a day? does the medium MATTER anymore, since the medium (and observer) is so incredibly mailable and now we can duplicate nearly every traditional technique…. why are people still talking about the zone system?

it was my turn to get up there. so i do and here are a few of my early slides:

there were others but that was the jist of it. not sure why the text is so small now.
anyway. i am a human being, a collection of cells, not a photographer, but this is how people introduced themselves. i told the audience i am a storyteller and my stories show up thru various kinds of mediums and places.

i  was bored and when i am bored i like to light a fire. i got up and said i don’t think mastering photography matters anymore, i think the ‘cat is out of the bag,’ that so many people can make a good photo now its crazy. and who decides what a good photo is? the observer. and there are the possibility of how many observers? many. so, a ‘good’ photo never made sense to me. a photo that evokes emotion, reaction, change, now that is  a ‘good’ photo to ‘me.’

i started by showing the video of rodney king being beat by the LAPD. that was ‘crappy’ video, but it changed the world.

then showed my work and the work of salamgarage participants. they liked it.

the audience challenged me. asked me something about poor people [in developing countries]. asked something about the ‘us and them’ factor.

i reminded him that i did not use the word ‘poor’ and that i think human consciousness is evolving to a place where we are very aware of our language. let’s be very conscious of our words, because our words shape reality. also,  we at salaamgarage do not think ‘us and them’ at all, we think… ‘we.’ that this may be his consciousness, though not mine.

it was awesome to be challenged and hear where people were coming from. the last photographer cropped out the ‘las vegas’ shirt the pygmy was wearing. he didn’t think it was right, it was distracting.

i’m ok with whatever people are wearing, i believe that whatever they are wearing is perfect, it is their choice and that is very much who they are,’ i told the audience. caxton has a ‘cat’ (caterpillar) shirt on. that is what he decided to wear that day. uniquely him. could also be his only shirt. who knows. still uniquely him.

you know, i felt like i was back in class in the early 90s, talking about the same stuff, enamored by the zone system and deconstructing images.

i’ll have more to say about this, but ultimately my message to the audience of students and educators was as follows:

i don’t think making pictures is enough. lets face it anyone can take a half decent photo these days. what i think matters is what are you going to do with it. why did you take that photo in the first place and what will you do with it? a photo doesn’t do anyone any good sitting on a hard drive. get it out there, do something with it.

also, if i were you students i would be collaborating with tech people. the tech industry is way more collaborative than the photo community. people work together, are less protective of methodology and projects (well, there are those with patents in the pipeline- tho they won’t even mention it)  and they are evolving on a daily basis. when tech and imagery are combined it is incredibly powerful and can have a much further breadth and impact, starting with number one: collaboration.

and last: think hard about why you picked up a camera in the first place. there is something you wanted to communicate. figure out what that is and do not ever forget why you picked up a camera. what will you add to the mix?

stay in your dreams, dreams can not hurt us.

… this is what ms biko said to us on the phone to me today.

wow. what a day.

backing up. we just got off a skype conference all with ms. bandi biko, steven bikos sister. we (neema mgana, sabrina messineo, guy de lancey and vaneshran + cape town team of citizen journalists) are working on a project to highlight 20 african women leaders. for the pilot we will profile ms bandi biko. we are funded by the international ywca in geneva for this first part, and from there we will profile another women creating a multi-media piece/tool kit to use for a mentoring platform for other young african women and men, salaamgarage style.

today we had our first conference call thanks for vaneshran and guy, cape town based. besides going thru the basic blah blah blah of a conference call…  something happened.

b4 any call i sit quietly in the morning and imagine. write what i’d like to cover, what the vision is for the project and any crazy ideas i have. it needs to be quiet, uninterrupted time early in the morning. combined with writing i’ll scour the internet and research who i will be talking with. i give myself an hour on purpose, cuz the internet is full of info and its important not to get thrown off course.

this morning i wrote up a preliminary plan for the pilot with ms biko i did the usual: visualize the project, what the goals are, what we told the granter we would do, keeping the budget in mind. and then i usually throw the budget out the window and write whatever comes to me, whatever i imagine. my dreams for the project. for this project the seemingly far-fetched idea was history. now i know we are supposed to profile ms biko but it is impossible to hear the name biko and not think of steven biko.

impossible. so i added it. history. you’ll see it in the paper here, in small letters. you’ll also see i didn’t know where the bikos were from at first, until i later researched:

so. on the phone we talked.. blah blah blah and vaneshran said something crucial. ‘it would be good to include ms bikos personal story’ in a calm, smooth voice. ‘agreed. the interview will be the opportunity for that’.’

i was quiet. ‘well, i have another idea.’  i asked.. ‘this may be far off, but i was dreaming that we could go back with you to your home town in the eastern cape. not sure if this is at all possible.. tho i had some ideas… they are dreams…’

‘we can stay in your dreams, dreams can not hurt us.’ she said in such a way that i (nearly) cried. in that moment all i could think of was steven biko and if he hadn’t dreamed, if he hadn’t followed his dreams and vision, we could not have been talking.

‘ok. i was dreaming we could go with you back to where you and steven are from, see your family home, high school… your history… ‘ i was gushing then, spilling out all of what i was really hoping we could do.

everyone was quite for a moment.

‘yes, this is possible.’

it was very hard for me to contain my enthusiasm and form a response…  also my tears. in that moment we all felt it. i felt her brother working this magic. magic.

turns out ms biko will be traveling to eastern cape when we were planing to be there for some family functions. turns out there will be a traditional wedding. turns out steven bikos birthday is on 12/18. ms biko was telling us it is a big event. people come from all over to celebrate. whoa.

‘i have a BIG family. very big. you are welcome’ i could hear her sit back in her chair and smile.

my god. if you are dreaming of something SAY IT. do it. do not hold back. look at this: a small scribble in my early morning notes has turned into this. you have no idea what steven biko has meant to me from very early on. its hard to explain, tho i will try in the coming months.

always imagine what you can do. imagine.