wading thru images

whoa. i made 7808 images in vietnam. man-o-man. digital.

if these were film days it would have been half as many. easily. we paid (differently) for each click back then. hard cash. now we pay with time. this is photography, the other side.

the beauty of digital is that i get to re-live my trip several times, as editing is a multiple-session (2-4ish hours at a time) process. with help: red wine, jetlag and pandora. this is good. reliving the experience.

had dinner with my friend becky tonight. we sat down and she asked me, ‘tell me about vietnam.’ i smiled.

you see, when we were skiing 3ish weeks ago i had just returned from south africa and she asked, ‘tell me about south africa.’ i looked at her, paused and said, ‘i can’t.’ like any really good friend she understood, nodded and we skied on.

this time i could tell her about vietnam. why? because yesterday, when i got home i could see the top of this specific mountain. i saw  a presentation and decided to submit a presentation to ignite seattle about my trip to vietnam (it helps that brady forrest -who kicks ass-  curator of ignite and web 2.0 punched me in the ribs at the last ignite and said ‘i wanna see you up there’ … he gets it). i may or may not be accepted, though i now have a goal, a presentation, a project where i can share my trip with images. this is how i express. whew.

i told becky about my presentation idea and she got it with very few words. ‘artists need to create, they need to express their experiences thru their medium. it’s how they work through life.’

bulls eye. so good to have friends, lovers, partners, etc., who understand us, isn’t it? in fact, it’s vital (for me).

luckily, i was asked to talk about my south africa experience at TEDx. thank god, as this will help… with that. so i am a happy, busy woman. this is where i belong, this is how i contribute.

so, wading through these images has been pretty emotional for me. it always is. i have to carve out time to do it, right away, after any project. i have a few upcoming interviews and presentations that will help. believe it or not, these SalaamGarage presentations (upcoming TEDx talk: 4/16, SxSW: 3/13, a few schools and buzz bruggemans ‘tertulia’ (private event) on 3/9 in seattle) help a lot. For me it is a way to process, create, share, EXPRESS and complete. guess this is why i used to do photo exhibitions. however, life is moving pretty fast right now for me…  so public speaking is my new exhibition. my book (and next one) helps a lot as well. ah. just figured that out as i write right now. i am grateful for every opportunity to present my experiences, as it helps me to process what i just saw.

and man, what i just saw was potent.

stay tuned.

Introduction: SalaamGarage trip to Vietnam.

Hanoi, Vietnam.

Most our SalaamGarage Vietnam trip was spent in Quang Tri Province. Quang Tri Province, the southernmost province of what was North Vietnam was where most of the heavy fighting took place during the Vietnam war. In the coming blog entries I will write more about the details, stories and people of this trip. However to introduce where we were and why, I will begin with general information and facts that we picked up along the way. The in-depth stories will come later as I edit and process my photos (and mind).

Why did SalaamGarage go there? I believe now was the ideal time for this trip, acknowledging any parallels of Vietnam’s war legacy with the history the US is currently making through our involvement in Iraq and Afghanistan.   Like Vietnam, we all may experience residuals of our own history of war and the steps required to heal from those consequences in the future. Also personally, I wanted to learn more about Vietnam, it’s history and culture, the war and where it is today. I was curious. Apparently others were too and a SalaamGarage trip was born.

We collaborated with PeaceTrees Vietnam, a humanitarian non governmental organization (IRS 501-C3) based in Seattle, Washington and operating in Quang Tri Province, Vietnam.   Their vision is to create a safe and healthy future for the children of Central Vietnam by working alongside the Vietnamese people to reverse the destructive consequences of war.

Founded in 1995, PeaceTrees became the first US non-governmental organization to be permitted by the Government of Vietnam to support humanitarian mine action, to remove landmines and unexploded ordnance and to provide survivor’s assistance and Mine Risk education.

The focus of the conversation on this trip was UXOs. (from wikipedia) Unexploded ordnance (or UXOs/UXBs, sometimes acronymized as UO) are explosive weapons (bombs, bullets, shells, grenades, land mines, naval mines, etc.) that did not explode when they were employed and still pose a risk of detonation, potentially many decades after they were used or discarded.

Here are some facts from Blaire Burroughs, the executive director of Peacetrees Vietnam:

·         83.8% of Quang Tri Province has been designated as bomb/mine areas
·         64.5% of the communes in Quang Tri have high or very high UXO impact
·         40.3% of all ordnance used in the war was deployed in Quang Tri
·         If all this ordnance were spread out uniformly in Quang Tri (which is about the size of King County), it would amount to 140 pounds of ordnance per square meter
·         7000+ individuals have been killed or wounded in Quang Tri by UXO/landmine accidents since the war ended in 1975
·         61% of all victims are younger than 30
·         81.2% of the victims are from rural areas
·         The poverty in Quang Tri is directly correlated with the impact of UXO

The group met, interviewed and photographed landmine victims (people who were injured by UXOs) and survivors (those whose families were injured or killed by UXOs), Explosive Ordnance Disposal team (EOD), scrap metal hunters (people who hunt for and sell scrap metal as a living and often uncover UXOs safely, or are injured or killed by UXOs), scrap metal buyers (people who buy scrap metal from the scrap metal hunters), children who are blind as a result of Agent orange, a teacher at a school for the blind who lost her sight after an accident with a  UXO.

We also met an extraordinary Vietnamese team from PeaceTrees Vietnam and the Department of Foreign Affairs who traveled with us, helped us ever second of the way and made this trip possible.

Stay tuned.

ho van lai

dong ha, vietnam

hung out with ho va lai (or lai)  yesturday who is now in 10th grade. when lai was about 8 years old he was playing in the sand with his friends and suddenly there was an explosion. unfortunately he uncovered one of many cluster munitions or ‘bombies’ still lying dormant in quang tri province, dropped by the usa during the vietnam war. three other friends died instantly and another friend was injured worse than lai.

now lai has 2 artificial legs, has a reconstructed hand, his other arm is amputated above the wrist. he can see about 50% out of one eye. he is blind in the other eye.

it was hard for him to talk about the accident, ‘the wost memory of his whole life,’ as it was translated. lai talked about the explosion, that since then it has been hard for his family to take care of him and how he feels bad about that. he lives in dong ha but his family lives out in the country. he lives in a rented apartment in dong ha so that he can be near to his school and more amenities. out  in  the county it is more difficult. peacetrees vietnam covers his rent and school fees.

for awhile lai had to go to a special school for disabled people. tho, after time and a whole lot of hard work he is now in a regular school, meaning not specifically for disabled people.

lai wasn’t interested in the para-olympics like many others we’ve met, other folks how have had similar accidents with cluster bombs and landmines, missing limbs and vision. he is interested in school. specifically: computers.

after the official interview (teaming up with salaamgarage participant  daysha eaton of superstringer) i asked lai if he could show me his stuff on the computer. we went into the ‘nerve room’ (computer room.office) at peactrees and lai sat down.

once he did his face just lit up. he was home. this wasn’t a place where he was disabled or partially blind. this was a place where lai could explore, express, wonder, wander, be. it was just awesome to watch him play on the computer. though he had to really strain to see the monitor, and he said he has to limit his time because it hurts his eyes after awhile, this was the first smile we saw. and it was a big one.

its important to get the hard facts and the difficult story. however it is equally as important, i think, to connect. lai and i were on equal ground here. meeting on mutual geek-ground, i sat down with him and we poked around youtube. he came up with a very old video about Vietnamese fighter pilots during the Vietnam war.

he then started typing up a doc for me (needs to be translated) telling me what he wanted to say. basically he typed up; it is so nice to meet you, he is happy we came to see him, kind things like this. it was awesome watching him type to the doc to me, telling me what he was thinking. it was awesome to watch his hand type out letters with such joy.

as i was telling the whole group of us: peacetrees, salaagmarage, landmine survivors and victims during our introduction, at the end of the day it is truly an honor for me to meet people around the world, hear their story and connect.

i can’t think of anything that brings me such joy,  it’s what i live for. thank you lai.

the soil is very red here

dong ha, vietnam.

where i am sitting there ‘was’ a war going on.

the soil is very red here. it has a hi iron content. there are bombs in this soil. explosives which are still killing people, maiming people, blinding people, etc. people who have/had nothing to do with any conflict between north and south vietnam, or the united states or anything. kids who went out to play, thought a ‘bombie’ (cluster bomb) was a toy and kicked it. they may loose their site, legs and arms while their friends die right beside them. this is how it happens.

today i interviewed and photographed a few landmine survivors and victims (there is a difference here).

i am meeting these folks, seeing these places, learning about how things are now, post war. things are good and bad.

yesterday, january 15 quang li told me 14 people have died this year in quang tri province from explosives.

bliare (exec. director of peacetrees vietnam) said it will take over 200 years to clear all the explosives in the soil in vietnam. over 200 years. 200 years. how long will this war last exactly?

besides iron i imagine there is a lot of blood as well. the soil here is very red here.

don’t have to know anymore

Asia. I get a little confused here.

On the plane from seattle to vietnam via Seoul, the waitress asks me ‘traditional korean or beefsteak?’

‘traditional please.’

she sets down several bowls of food on a try in front of me.  I don’t recognize anything and have no idea what to do with this meal. I poke around and soon find directions. directions, hmmm… (indication)

I quickly glance at the directions and proceed to dump one bowl of liquid  onto a salad, toss in some pickled something and squirt red pepper paste and sesame oil into the bowl, stirring it all up.

my left-hand neighbor, asian, glances over at me with a dazed wow-this-is-a-long-flight look and gets back to his beefsteak.

I keep mixing everything together, happily squirting the rest of the chili paste into the main bowl until everything is a little reddish.

my right-hand neighbor, asian, nudges me and bluntly says ‘you did it wrong.’ he points at another asian man across the aisle. my right-hand neighbor also had the beefsteak. hmmm. (indication)

‘oh.’ I actually read the directions this time. I am not supposed to pour the soup onto the salad. They are to be eaten separately.

‘it tastes good.’ I smile.

my right-hand neighbor smiles so wide and orders us each a glass of red wine.

‘cheers.’ he knocks our glasses.

‘cheers. happy new year!’

‘happy new year.’

I love that I do not have to know anymore. I love that I can ‘not do it right.’ love that I am not doing it right and love doing that. This is the most liberating realization in a while and I am going to revel in it.

Happy new year.

heading to vietnam

Heading out to Vietnam via Korea on my way to lead the SalaamGarage Vietnam trip. Really looking forward to this particular trip, historical for Vietnam to allow a group of proclaimed citizen journalists (and professional) to journey to Quang Tri Provence with Peacetrees Vietnam…. The first American NGO in Vietnam. Very greateful.

happy new year all!

totally humbled…

photo: Fiona Hoadley (AWOE)

The credit belongs to those who are actually in the arena, who strive valiantly; who know the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spend themselves in a worthy cause; who at the best, know the triumph of high achievement; and who, at the worst, if they fail, fail while daring greatly, so that their place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
– Theodore Roosevelt

early robben island thoughts.

totally crashed yesterday. hit the wall finally which means at about 4pm i went to ‘lay down’ and woke up at 8.30p. ahhh. seriously needed that.

so far what has really had an impact on me besides meeting the groups and bandi biko has been the trip to robben island. robben island is where the former prison where south african political prisoners were held, including nelson mandela.  a few of us went on the ‘tour’ on a bus, with a tour driver speaking about the island (there is/was also a leper colony there among a few other things). then we got to the prison. i saw where mandela stayed and countless other prisoners. that kind of got me.

however what really got me were that former prisoners were leading the tours. we were able to talk with a man who was incarcerated at that prison for years. he was amazing, a goldmine of stories and so humble, seemingly eager to answer questions.

after the official tour i introduced myself and asked him a few questions. i asked him about leadership (as this project is a about leadership) and we had an awesome conversation about that. then i asked him what is that like for him to lead tours where he was once a prisoner. he told me he kind of needs to do it. that it is therapeutic for him. at first he told me he just stood there in front of everyone not knowing what to say, feeling a little shy about talking to a group of people (ah yes, public speaking) but then he said after awhile people started asking questions and he started telling stories. and now he is truly amazing, telling us his facts and then stories. i mean, amazing. i mean, this man is one of many who is responsible for ending apartheid and he was actually shy to speak in front of a crowd. what struck me in that moment was his humanness.

another man who worked on the ferry boat to and from the island was also a former prisoner. he wasn’t as calm. i asked him a lot of questions (again, i’ll have the audio, their photos and more info about them, names etc., get his direct words up) one of them being how is it he can work as a guide for robben island. he told me he cold not work on the island, it is too much for him but he likes to be near it and some of the other former prisoners. it helps him work through it.

cape town

sometimes i wish that there were two of me. one experiencing my life and the other processing it, writing about it.

cape town has been very intense. i landed around 11pm 12/10 and started with a 10am breakfast meeting 12/11 with the awoe team. the breakfast meeting (meeting is a lame word here- more like hang out) stretched for abotu 3 hours. the team here in cape town is amazing. fantastic balance of personalities and abilities. once again, i could not have asked for a more interesting group of people. meeting with bandi, then pixie, dinners, mornings,trip to robben island,  meeting with bandi again.

later in the day i met bandi biko.  what was that like? to be in the presence of an amazing woman in her own right, and then to follow up with this is steven biko’s sister.

people. we are all just people doing the best we can with what we have.  she is an extraordinary woman in a seriously reserved way. besides the accent that keeps me on my toes with everyone down here one must really stay present with bandi as she will drop a nugget of wisdom when i least suspect it. bandi is unfolding for us.  there are folks who un reel their story in the press of a button, others have a very slow cast. sometimes those are the ones that will cast their lour out much further and wider than one can ever image.

fishing analogies. why fishing? because i really do feel like a fisherman when i work, or a hunter as my editor and friend at corbis calls me. there are chefs and there are hunters when it comes to storytelling. ‘you are a hunter.’ i like the search, uncovering and more importantly not uncovering certain rock as the story unfolds.

what i am getting at is that bandi will reveal herself to us throughout the project. what i learn on every trip and every day now is trust. trust that things will reveal themselves so beautiful. trust that it is all working out for the best.

i was telling guy that when i first began my career i used to rush into projects, stories, agendas, etc., and really attach myself to it, what it will look like, how it will be received.

however as i move through my carer, grow, practice difference things, etc., i am finding that life moves along as well. life keeps ‘lifeing.’ there is no absolute, there is no total agenda, list, itinerary. we land, things are happening, we listen, create and take off, and it keeps on lifeing. there is not start or finish to any project. there is just a moment where we direct our attention on something fora awhile, call ti a project because i for one like to share what attracts me, and then move on. and that’s really it. all eyes here for a moment, the there for the next moment, and so on.